Sending from phone as the laptop interface makes it hard to pm...
Yes I will get to the point soon where talking about things is on my "plan". Thanks for the offer. My phone is on my profile too. People always seem horrified when I tell them that but it's never yet been a problem.
Anyways-
The thing I was mentioning is (to me anyway) humorous in an ironic sort of way. I find humor helps me process difficult things but I know that it often makes others misunderstand me.
So here goes...
We were having a talk about the potential harmful attributes of always wanting to help. I still don't buy that it's a bad thing but I can't ignore the fact that it's a habitual thing for me and has led me to some unhealthy relationships.
But anyway - we we talking about the potential downside to always wanting to jump in and help and what was your first reaction to the conversation ?
I apologize for thinking it's funny. I mean no disrespect and yes I will want some talk time soon. But i did laugh, just a little, and felt it would be dishonest not to fess up about it.
Thanks bunches TK
ted kelly Yes wanting to help has gotten me into some sticky situations also. I thought that by now I would have learned but I suffer from codependency.
ReplyDeleteIt's where I am, or a person is compelled to think that another person's happiness or unhappiness relies on my actions and sometimes it might. But to let it make me feel bad because they are not happy and to try to accept all the blame upon myself is just not healthy or correct. I mean it just makes me miserable too. I attended a meeting called CODA Codependents anonymous. After 12 short weeks I thought I was cured and the other person had called me back and wanted to rekindle the relationship.....Guess what....I wasn't cured and ended up going through the same thing over and over again. I am getting some smarter but it is still there....the desire to help.
The desire to fix things. Only to find myself back in same situations. As men we are born with the desire to fix or protect which are both forms of helping.
And I have paid many prices for this, may times. Financially and with the pain that it brings. But I have also been able to begin to see this in myself and also have been able to help some but always at a sacrifice to me in some way. I have saved lives.....saved turmoil and helped others avoid bad situations but have also ended up in those bad situations myself at times. It's really confusing and I am not sure I can help. I have become so serious and life does not hold as much pleasure as it was supposed to. Now I am 60, alone and in bad health because of my self neglect to help others that really didn't want help. Just to have someone to blame their unhappiness on. It can be a real emotional mess. Hurting both and accepting the blame for others unhappiness.
I just typed a long reply and didn't hit post. IT"S gone. LOL but I'm still here with my experience and misery that is similar to yours.....Now that was funny.
ReplyDeleteted kelly I guess I did hit post....LMAO
ReplyDeleteI just read that when you sent the last msg about having posted it.
ReplyDeleteI believe I understand and there isn't much I need to add to how you described it.
I feel lucky - or blessed in that I don't think I'm in as much pain as you seem to be in.
I'm 60 too. I don't want to rush into another messed up relationship but I also don't want to miss out on a good one by not being ready for it.
By using this as a chance to become healthier (psychologically) I think that even if I don't meet Ms Right soon at least I'll be able to avoid some messed up stuff.
I didn't see any contact info on your profile. Feel free though if you want to talk or share some insights for my benefit. 931 310-5421 Mine is public if you misplace this.
Theo (or Ted - different folks see me different ways)
Added to contacts ted kelly If it helps you to stay out of stepping in another pile....it's worth the effort to keep your eyes on the ground when walking through the pasture of life. Everybody is human but youtube John Prine Some Humans ain't Human...my # 704-530-3286. It's hard to feel pain through a heart that consists of only scars but I still do at times...Guess we are still human when we can feel pain....and care about others. That's why I try not to get my nose too high or my spirits too low. Heartaches hurt. I'm tired of stepping in piles but It's likely that I might again....just more aware of it and hope I see the next one before I do it to the point of such a bad mess.
ReplyDelete